At The Heart Of Infidelity
by RedCaprice
Summary: When Hermione has to choose between love and passion, she finds the quickest way to learn to hate herself: by choosing both.  She falls into a life of secrets, infidelity, and heartbreak. Post DH, DH spoilers.


**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"**At the Heart of Infidelity" **

**Summary: When Hermione has to choose between love and passion, she finds the quickest way to learn to hate herself: by choosing both. She falls into a life of secrets, infidelity, and heartbreak.**

**A/N: I know that Harry Potter stories are usually written in third person, but this story is written in first person for a reason. It is to point out that Hermione can only make decisions based on what she know and how she perceive things. I think it is important to note that just because it is written, doesn't make it necessarily true; it is only her limited knowledge. Google "unreliable narrator." Also it highlights how unpredictable people can be when you don't have the luxury of third person omniscient, which isn't canon either… Don't know much about literature and grammar? Maybe you should pay more attention during your English lessons and stop passing notes and reading Fan Fiction. **

**(~)**

I remembered the first time I visited the Burrow, it was so warm and so full of life. I could feel the love reverberate off every surface and I just wanted to sit on the little sofa and just soak it all in. Being an only child, it was the sort of chaos that I sometimes craved.

I would later decide that it was Arthur that gave the home it's character.

As I sat on that couch watching the various Weasley's going about their daily's lives and even interacted with them all on occasion, everyone except Arthur that first summer. He was so busy with work at the ministry preparing for the Quidditch World Cup.

Not until we actually arrived the site of the World Cup did I ever really talk to him and we debated the differences between wizarding and muggle camping.

"When we get back to the Burrow, would you like to come out to my shop where I like to keep my muggle trinkets and treasures?" He asked with so much passion in his voice. That was before the game, and by the association, the attacks.

"Of course," I replied. I already had a fascination with the convoluted way that he perceived the muggle world.

We were all so shaken up by the time that we returned home that we never made it to his shop to discuss his 'treasures'. He had to rush off the Ministry. I never knew at the time what I was missing out on.

**(~)**

Later that year I just happened to see George dancing with someone I didn't immediately recognize during the Yule ball. What started as a glance, turned into watching something that was sort of beautiful. I stood there and watched for a moment as George tenderly but surely twirled her around the dance floor for that slow dance and all I could think was I wanted someone like that, someone that would _love_ me.

**(~)**

I moved in with the Weasley's after that bloody battle at Hogwarts. My life was in flux, Ron and I were over before we even started… and we were both relieved. After all the anticipation, there just wasn't the romantic chemistry. I about to move out again about a month later, but still, Molly insisted that I stayed.

"Dear, I don't mean to be callous, but you have nothing to go back to. Just think, you can get your life together here without worrying about finding a flat or paying rent or any of that nonsense."

"But what about Ron?" I protested.

"Nonsense," she replied as she ushered me towards the kitchen, "now let me show you some lovely household charms."

I watched as she took out several books from a tiny cabinet before she found the one she wanted.

"Ah, here it is!" She handed me the spiral bound mauve book with a depiction of a good little wife smiling as she serving a platter of food to her husband. _'How To Charm Your Way To Being The Best Wife' _

I was horrified but amused. Who was she expecting me to charm into marrying me? It wasn't even a priority to me.

"I know what you're thinking," and it was apparent that she did, " but you need someone to nurture, and Ron is not what you're looking for."

That was true, Ron was pleased with his burgeoning life as a war hero; it brought out a new confidence in him and he certainly didn't have a need for nurturing, as Molly put it.

But still I asked, "Why is it that you think that I need to nurture someone?"

"Dear, you are a control freak- and I say that from a place of love," she added quickly, "you have certain ideas of what you want and you need someone that will be willing to go along with you and your needs, perhaps someone who does not have the will to go against you," she said the last but slowly and she continued, "someone who might find peace in letting go of the reigns."

My stomach flopped, I hoped she wasn't speaking specifically of one of her sons. As for what she thought I needed, I didn't agree but I was young and Molly seemed to know more than I did, and foolishly, I let her lead me along.

I sat back in my chair and cautiously asked, "What do you mean?" After a few seconds, I asked, "Who do you mean?"

She peered back into the living room where a very sad son sat lost in his own thoughts and grief, "George, oh course."

"Oh!" I was genuinely surprised.

**(~)**

I watched him for a day or two before I did anything. He either sat on the couch or on Fred's bed and only once he went outside, and only for a short time to run his hands over the sheets that were draped over the clothes line. He went to the shop once, but was home within the hour, stating that everything was okay. It was among the few things he would say.

"Why don't you just dry them magically?" I asked Molly about the sheets as we watched him through the kitchen window.

She stilled the knife that was chopping celery near her as she turned to answer me, "I like the scent the fresh spring and summer air leaves in the linens." She tapped her wand to the cutting board and the knife resumed its magically guided slicing.

I nodded my head decidedly, I had decided to see what I could personally do about George. To say my feeling about it was conflicted would be a good start, I felt almost as if I were doing as sort of a way to 'pay my way' in the house, and of course, there was that 'kicked dog syndrome' that I seemed to have. At least I might get further with George than with S.P.E.W. I knew George wouldn't want to be thought of as anyone's good deed, but surely he didn't want to remain in this state of grieving without any means of escape, or at best, closure.

"Thank you dear," Molly said, seemingly in response to my nod.

Later that evening, I sat right next to him on the couch. The family was all off to their own pursuits and we were pretty well left alone.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he looked over at me. I turned to face him, tucking my one leg under my body as I did so. I reached over to still his clasped hands as wrapped the one thumb over the other repeatedly. There was no electric spark or tingle, no great higher knowledge of connection; just skin next to skin, soothing. He looked at our semi-entwined hands and then back at me and looked at me like he was really seeing me, like he hadn't really noticed me before.

"No one sees me anymore," he said softly, "and I don't really think I see anyone either. The world is bland without him."

It was the most I heard him say and yet he continued, "And no one touches me, no one even bumps into me. What are you doing here?"

"I, uh…," I stammered, "well, I thought that…" I cleared my throat and said firmly and decidedly, "You need a hug, George Weasley."

He didn't protest as I placed my one hand on his shoulder and the other on the back of his head and pull him into the crook of my neck.

"See now, isn't that-" I was cut off by a stifled sob that quieted again, I could only tell he was still crying by shoulders that still shook.

"No one ever hugs me either."

"That's not true, your mother hugs you all the time."

"No," he corrected me when he seemed a bit more composed, "she hugs Fred, it's not me that she hugs, not really."

That was the saddest thing but I had witnessed these hugs that she gave George. She'd sob and cry out for her baby and it started to make sense. When she'd finally pull back from the hug, she'd give a look of longing then seemed to refocus. She'd pat his cheek sadly and then walk away. I fought the urge to pity George, I was sure that he didn't want that.

"Well, I'm hugging you. Do you hear me, George?" I asked for emphasis, "I'm hugging _you_."

He nodded into my shoulder. All in all, it seemed that I was able to make a lot of progress in a short amount of time.

I watched as the family trickled in from their various activities, no one noticed us on the couch, as if my proximity to George had put me off their radar as well. Only Molly gave a small smile as she led Arthur up the stairs for the evening.

I stood as I disentangled myself from George and I pulled him up with me as well and he was looking at me like a lost puppy.

Remembering my chat with Molly, I kept his hand in mine and led him up the stairs and stopped at his room, which was a floor below where I stayed with Ginny.

"Good night, I'll see you in the morning," I said to him as I let go of his hand.

When he still stood there not making any move to go in his room, I reached behind him and twisted the knob to open the door and let him in.

"Go to bed, George," I said a little more firmly. I might be the control freak that Molly assumed I was about certain things, but I took no pleasure from bossing him or other people around. I was determined not to do it.

He let out a long breath before turning to enter the room… but not before grabbing my hand back and taking me in with him.

He reached down to grab his wand from the bed where he had probably left there that morning and transfigured his own clothes into pyjamas and then mine into shorts and a camisole. He sat down on the bed then and grabbed my wrist and gently pulled me down next to him, almost subconsciously; as it I wasn't really there, as if I were nothing more than a teddy bear or security blanket to cuddle.

Without words, I placed my hands on his chests as he wrapped both arms around my shoulders and held me to him firmly.

It was quiet for a long time, I thought he was asleep. Certainly I wasn't: there was too much going on in my head for that luxury.

"I miss Fred"

I smiled sadly to myself. "I'd imagine you do."

"You don't smell like him," he commented after burying his nose in my hair. It made me wonder just how long it had been since someone took notice of him.

"I'd imagine I don't."

After that, he tightened his hold around me even more and I listened as his breathing even out and deepened as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Being the first person to reach out to him, he latched onto me fiercely after that day, more fiercely than I could ever have expected.

He didn't let go, not even that morning. He had me crushed in his arms as I awoke, feeling as if I hadn't really slept at all. At first, I tried to gently ease of out his grasp, and then with more determination.

George only woke when I had successful freed myself saying, "Please don't go," in a croaky morning voice that still held sadness.

I opened my mouth but then held up one finger.

He looked to me like a lost child.

"I'll be back in a minute," I assured him, I was only going to the loo.

In the loo, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed a line across my cheek and forehead from being pressed into his shirt all night. I finished up and headed back over to George's only to find him curled up on bed as if he'd seen a ghost.

"During holiday, Fred and I would get up really early," he gave a fleeting smile, "Mum never knew we were up. We would sit up here and quietly plan our day. I think she thought that we sprang out of bed ready to commit pranks on everyone around us, but it took planning."

I sat down next to him in hopes to encourage him to keep talking and he immediately took my hand to pull me closer, as if he could stand to bare his soul without clutching something to him. I obliged him and laid down and I was surprised when he didn't wrap himself around me again, he only had his grip on my hand and pulled it to his chest before continuing.

"I don't know how to start my day without him. I sit here each morning, and from the very minute I wake up, my day isn't going right. I'm all out of sorts."

I laid there and watched him as he seemed to want to say more but not know how to go about saying it. After a few more minutes of silence, he wrapped his arm back around me and began crying as he nuzzled into my hair.

We lost a day this way, I was too compassionate to pull away from him in his time of need and he was too needy to let me away even for basic needs like toilet breaks or food. Molly slipped a plate of food onto his bedside table around ten that morning after we didn't show up for breakfast. She made finger food so that I could eat without really disentangling myself from George. I tried to get him to eat, too, but he only took a bite here and there.

When he finally drifted off that night, I very carefully snuck away and gratefully ran for the loo.

"Hermione, dear?" I heard Molly call for me from downstairs.

I softly made my way down the stairs, expertly skipping the creaky ones and joined her in the kitchen where she offered me a cup of tea. I held in my hands for the warmth, but decided against drinking it in case George would let me go again for another twelve hours.

"I heard him talking to you today." It was evident she was worried about her son.

"He was telling me stories about Fred. I think that he just doesn't know how to orient himself in a world without him. It's always been 'Fred and George,' as in a single entity, he doesn't know how to be just George. I don't think he knows who 'just George' is, I don't think anyone does." Her brows gathered together as she took a slow sip of her tea and listened to my words.

I didn't like the way her eyes put the weight of the world on my shoulders, so I took a sip of my cooling tea, and then another to avoid her eyes for another moment.

I left the kitchen shortly afterwards and considered going to bed in my own bed but reconsidered and made another trip to the toilet just in case before I headed to George's bedroom and crawled in next to him. Even in his sleep, he reflexively wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, just as he had done last night while awake. It made me think about how I thought the act the night before seem almost subconscious.

I woke up the next morning before George. I was, as expected, trapped in his arms but I didn't try to move. Inspiration struck me: I had a plan.

I reached up and tenderly ran my fingers through his hair while I waited for him to rouse. I let my own morbid curiosity take over for a minute as I examined what was left of his ear. It really wasn't that bad aesthetically, it wasn't gory now that it had healed and he didn't keep a bandage over it anymore. I didn't know whether it was because he didn't care anymore about how it looked or because he couldn't be bothered with such trivial things as bandaging after Fred's death.

_Although his dearest brother is dead, at least he can still hear out of his cursed ear hole._

I mentally slapped myself for my own callousness. He would gladly give up his hearing to have Fred, and probably would've someday with all the explosions that would have the opportunity to make together. Hell, I'd give up my own hearing to have Fred back.

I studied his face in these last moments before it would be contorted in grief again. A few minutes later, his eyes popped opened and, although he was looking right at me, I didn't feel as if he was seeing me at all. I sprung into my plan.

"Good morning!" I said as cheerfully as possibly.

Without reply, he buried himself back into my hair and gave a doubtful, "Hmpf."

"We have some stuff to get done today," I said without really knowing if he had anything pressing, "but we have to make plans."

I hoped he didn't think I was trying to replace Fred or insinuate myself into his life using his grief.

He froze for a moment and then pulled away enough to look at me. "Plans?" He asked, sounding of being on the verge of hopeful.

"Yeah, we're going to get out of this house, we're going to go for a walk, and then we're going to- oh, feel free to jump in any time with ideas here- we can go check on the joke shop, and… George, is that okay?"

This time when he looked at me, I felt like he was seeing me finally.

"Yeah," he said, sounding surprised at his own admission.

"Alright, then, we have to get up."

"No, no we have to plan some more, this is _good_."

"Okay, maybe we can make a- eek," I squeaked as he crushed me a fierce hug.

"That's a great idea," said to my unfinished idea and then finished it by saying, "we can make something new for the joke shop!"

"I was going to say 'make a picnic.'"

"Yes, we'll make a prank picnic to sell at the joke shop."

I watched in amazement as he was able to throw himself into this morning time planning session. We bantered back and forth until his hold loosened and then became non-existent as he removed his arms to gesture about things we were going to put in our prank picnic basket.

The day started off decently, I was able to get away to shower without any fit from George and then we went down and had breakfast. He quieted down and had drawn in on himself a bit with the rest of his family- although only Percy, Ron, and Arthur were the only ones there- around him, but when he looked over at me he would smile a little and I felt like we had a secret.

"Molly, we're going to need your picnic basket today," I informed her when the other three Weasley men left the table. George seemed to relax a bit.

"We have plans," George added, although Molly didn't seem to notice that that was what made the difference.

We did that everyday, we woke up, made plans and made the best of our days.

**(~)**

Our days went like that for weeks, with only subtle changes to the plans here and there. Some days instead of going a walk and having a picnic after breakfast, we would go to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade. Then some days, instead of going to the joke shop we would venture out into Muggle London where I would show George a whole world he'd never seen before and each night stayed with him.

And then there were the bad days, the days where no amount of planning or promises could get George to get up out of bed. I could feel it coming as I would awaken right before him. I could tell it would be a bad by the way he clung to me in his sleep, how his arms seemed to wrap impossible tight around my shoulders and pull me closer and closer. I could tell by the way his nuzzled his nose deeper in my and seemed to shake his head 'no' that was sometimes punctuated by an audible, "No."

Still, I tried to make our daily plans to try to dispel the depression.

"George," I would say softly, "we're supposed to be going out with Ron and his flavor of the week today." I tried to keep the relief of my voice, part of me would rather do something else with our day.

"I can't, I just can't."

I would sit there reassuring him for a good portion of those days. No, Fred would not view your moving on as a betrayal, yes, he would want you to be happy.

"How can you know that!" He had finally shouted.

"Well, if it had been you that died in battle and Fred was the one sitting here, wouldn't you want him to live his life and be happy?"

"I guess so," he reluctantly admitted after a few moments had past.

I only smirked in response.

One time he looked at me with soft eyes and informed me that he needed me which led me to think about my bad days.

A big difference between my bad days and George's was the fact that I wouldn't let anyone know it was a bad day. If I were truthful with myself, my bad days were because I was honest with myself.

Those were the days when I realized, or rather acknowledged, the fact that if I were to be with George the way that Molly had intended and in the way that I sometime felt he might want, too, then my life would revolve around him in a way that I wasn't entirely comfortable with. I realized that I in order to keep George happy -_afloat_- I would need to plan and _control_ each minute for the rest of out lives and I realized that I would have to give up a part of my life to be with him, simply because he didn't understand the 'muggle' in me. I could love him, an acquired love, not a passionate love-at-first-sight love. A normal person would distance themselves, knowing that it would be for the best in the end, but there was my problem. I was so acutely aware of how much George needed me that I just didn't have the heart to leave him. I rationalized that _my pain in staying would be less than his pain if I left._

Sick, huh? Like a classic masochist.

No matter, I didn't allow myself to have bad days, er- truthful days often.

**(~)**

A short time later, George and I shared our first kiss, on a good day, during a long string of good days.

We were in his lab above the joke shop working on a new sweet that reminded me a lot of Pop-Rocks. I had just finished tell him about the muggle sweets and suggested that he should try to make it into a blowing gum to try to make it different when an explosion went off and George was knocked backwards rather hard. I could tell that he added too much of the potion that added the pop to the newest blowing gum recipe we were trying.

I shrieked and ran to him where he fell.

"George!" I called, "Can you hear me, are you okay?" I bent down closer to see if he was breathing.

His very subtly quirking lip caught my attention. He was fighting laughter pretty hard. I decided that since he wasn't hurt I was going to surprise him. I leaned down planted my lips firmly on his waiting for him to realize and open his eyes, and to his credit, it didn't take him long. When his eyes shot open I gave him a saucy smirk and waited for him to respond. He surprised me, too, although thinking back, I'm not sure why. Honestly, I was expecting a playful kiss but was not entirely disappointed with the way he seemed to rise up from previous position and gently wrapped one arm around my waist while the other hand caressed my cheek and jaw line. Softly, he brushing his lips against mine and then let the kiss escalate until our tongues only just touched before he pulled away and gave me the happiest smile I had seen on his face in months.

I knew then that I could easily spend the rest of my life in the pursuit of making George happy.

"I love you, my Hermione, I love you so much. You know that, don't you?"

I nodded.

**(~)**

Sounds of the tea kettle going off were heard shortly before the distinctive clatter of tea cups being placed on saucers. George had just sat down at the kitchen table and Molly, with the motherly instinct, must have known that he had something on his mind, that he wanted to talk about something.

There was silence for a few minutes as Molly seemed to settle herself next to her previously reticent son and reached out to take his hand into hers.

She cleared her throat in a way to dispel the tension and then said, "So, how's it been going with Hermione being at the shop with you all the time? I'm glad that you decided to officially hire her."

"Her ideas alone pay for her salary, it was an easy choice," he replied and said a more softly, "besides, I love having her within reach any time I want."

She nodded and smiled.

"I love her, Mum. She's everything to me."

"I know, dear, I can see the changes in you the in the time that you've been with her." She reached out and tugged at a long piece of hair that fell by his ear. "These last couple of months have been…" She stopped to sniffle and wipe away a lone tear.

George took a long sip of tea and seemed to be lost in a thought for a moment. "I want to marry her, Mum."

"Oh, Georgie!" She barely had time to set down her teacup without knocking it over before she gathered him up in a rib-crushing hug. "Oh, Georgie!" She said again and again.

I sat there on the rickety steps and watched them via a well place mirror on the wall, they could have seen me, too, if they had looked. I watched as she finally let him go. He sat back down and took a biscuit, smiling before he bit into it.

Why he chose now to sit down and have this conversation with his mother was beyond me, he knew I was in the house. I did tell him that I might lie down for a nap.

"Oh, just think how beautiful a winter wedding would be! Have you thought about children?"

"I have." His answer surprised me. "I want as many children as she would give me."

It didn't matter that I did, indeed, love the idea of a winter wedding and George's answer about children was as perfect as I could have hoped for. As I listened to them, it felt as if they were planning my life for me. Looking back, I realized that they really weren't but it didn't stop me from feeling that way at the time and bolting from the house.

Once I left the house, I looked around: it was about to storm, so I ran into Arthur's garage where he kept his muggle trinkets.

I let out my breath that felt trapped in my body. When I took a deep breath in I could taste the scent of moist earth and wood as it was warmed by the sun earlier that day. I walked over to the work bench and picked up a bright pink hair crimper with crushed velvet lining where the iron would meet one another. I tried to imagine how Arthur saw it; what his mind dreamed up for its use. I squeezed the two sides of the iron together experimentally then ran the cord through my fingers until I met the end where the plug had been obviously dissected.

"Hey, Hermione." I heard Arthur say from behind me. I jumped and turned around and smiled at him.

"I've been meaning to ask you what that this is," he said with a twinkle in his eye to rival Albus Dumbledore. "I have a couple things like that one. I bought them all at once at a jumble sale! I love using muggle bank notes, it's funny how they put value on printed paper."

He proceeded to show me a flat iron and then a curling iron. He picked up the flat iron and squeezed it together like I did the crimper moments ago.

"I think that this might be a portable bread toaster, but that one? The velvet throws me off, it makes wonder what food you could prepare with it."

"I guess no one ever comes in here, huh?" I commented as I fought not to double over in laughter.

He shook his head.

"Mr. Weasley, your own wife or daughter could have easily told you what this one is. This is a curling iron used for hair, all of these things are hair styling tools, not used for food at all."

"Ginny has never shown any interest in my garage, maybe if she knew I had hair tools out here…" he mused.

I explained the other two as best as I could to a person who, muggle or wizard, was still a man.

"So, what are you doing out here?"

"I guess I'm actually escaping my own wedding planning."

"George proposed to you?" He asked with a look of shock. I assumed that his shock was not from displeasure, but from his son obviously not having said anything to him about it yet.

"Well, no," I said quickly "Molly was so excited…" and then explained what I overheard and how I felt about it. He was so easy to talk to.

"Will you call me Arthur, like you call Molly by her name?"

"Of course!" It was easier that way, I already thought of him that way in my head.

I spend hours in the garage that afternoon with him as he excitedly talked about the things he'd found while dissecting the things around his shop. His own passion was exciting to me even as we discussed the items that seemed commonplace to me.

"Dinner!" We heard Molly shout from the house.

"Wait," Arthur said to me when I started to leave, "this afternoon was really nice."

"Yeah, it was. I nearly forgot why I came here in the first place."

"Hermione, I wanted to ask you if you'd come back out here again some time. This afternoon… this is has been some of the most pleasurable free time I've had in a while."

I couldn't keep the smile from breaking across my face. "I can't wait, now let's go eat dinner."

All through dinner Molly kept beaming at me randomly. She didn't know that I knew why and she didn't see me roll my eyes at Arthur at how obvious she was being.

**(~)**

I couldn't wait to get back out to Arthur's garage the next day, and the next and the next, it felt like a spark in me waiting to ignite. I quickly found that Arthur was someone I could debate fiercely with. We debated religion, the ministry, magic versus non-magic- a favourite argument of ours, and it couldn't be predicted who would take which side.

One day I found myself in the garage before him. George and I had worked out a schedule so that one of us could be at the joke shop almost all the time. I would go in earlier in the day and leave earlier, around five or so, George would go in later and stay until the shop closed. We were able to spend a lot of time together and he saved money by not having to hire so many employees. He would usually get home around nine or ten. He never really knew how much time I spent with his father, and although I didn't intentionally hide it, it still felt that way.

I felt so alive there with Arthur, and for some reason I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty about it.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a slamming door. I watched as Arthur stormed in and banged around the shop, growling every a few minutes before he even looked at me.

"All day I work, doing a job I love. I see the most interesting objects that are enchanted to do the most interesting things and I come home and no one asks me about it except for YOU. I get home today- 'Hi, love, how was your day?' I ask. No reply, she just continues to ramble on about something. I was so angry, just one time I want her to ask about my day." He turned to me suddenly, "You know what she was talking about when I arrived home? YOU. YOU and your bloody wedding! Has he even proposed to you yet?"

He barely waited for me to shake me head before he continued.

"She was talking about YOU and all I wanted to do was to get out of there and see YOU and she kept going on and on and it made me so angry." I didn't notice how close he had come to me. "I just wanted to come out here and see YOU and be with YOU."

"Will you stop shouting 'you.'"

Suddenly his fingered were possessively threading through my hair in a way that made my whole body tingle and he pulled my lips to his. Passionately we dove into one another, quickly moving to deepen the kiss. I let out a breathy moan. George never kissed me like this. I could taste the desire that rolled off him, I let my tongue trace his lips and then we took my lower lips between his teeth before kissing his way down my throat. I felt as his hands lifted me to workbench and my legs wrapped around him instinctively. My body was on fire and I never considered telling him no. I started unbuttoning his robes and quickly found out that he had no intention of telling me no either. When I had been through about half of his buttons he ripped my shirt over my head and his fingered were back in my hair. He pulled to the side so that he kiss and lick at the pulse point of my neck, biting every now and then. His other hand was teasing at my breast, occasionally rolling my nipple between his fingers.

I squeezed my legs tighter around him and he eased me down to lie back on the workbench as he kissed his way down my sternum. I felt him undo my trousers and I lifted my hips for him to remove them as his tongue dipped into my belly button.

He looked up at me with hungry eyes.

"Please…" And continued on to pile his robes with my discarded clothing, followed next by my knickers and his pants. He inhaled deeply and I sat up and started kissing him again, I was so aroused that it never crossed my mind to feel self-conscious like I thought I would.

"You're so wet," he said as his eyes drank in my body that was open for him. He ran his fingers along my core a few a times before he plunged himself right into me and set a fast pace for a few minutes until he look down and gasped.

"Hermione! You're a virgin! I'm so sorry. Oh gods, I shouldn't have been so rough! I'm so sorry," he said again.

"Arthur," I said slowly and firmly, "If I wanted slow and gentle, I would… I wouldn't be here… with you." I wrapped my legs tighter around his hips and tried to pull him closer. Now that he stopped, I could feel the burning. "Please," I begged.

Something seemed to snap in him and he started to move again.

"Please, just like you were before?" I requested, and then he wrapped his hands around waist and picked up his pace to slam into me. I let myself fall into the sensations, the fullness, the suction, that tingling, that building intensity.

I shrieked as he seemed to find that spot, just _right there_, and hit it over and over until my entirely seemed to freeze up and then explode.

A moment later, I opened my eyes and saw him staring down at me. His body was glistening with sweat and he looked so… haunted.

"I-" he started to say as he was pulling himself out of me.

"Hermione!" I heard Molly shout from the house.

"Uh, I'll be there in a minute," I yelled back.

"Hermione!" She called again.

"Oh, uh, I put up a silencing charm," Arthur said as he waved his wand. I smirked at him.

I yelled back at Molly again and hopped down off the workbench and pulled my clothes back on. Before I was about to leave, I stood up on my tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. "We will talk about this."

"Wait." He took his wand and drew a circle against my stomach and whispered a contraceptive charm. "Tomorrow, we will talk about this tomorrow."

I smiled at him before leaving the garage and heading to see what Molly had called for.

I tried my very hardest to act normal as I walked in the house. I did not just lose my virginity, I tried to tell myself. I didn't not just sleep with a man who wasn't George. I did not just sleep with a married man.

His wife was not in front of me. It's just Molly, I told myself, don't think of her as Arthur's wife. I couldn't look her in the eyes and she didn't seem to be looking at me either, she was tapping and waving her wand at various things around the kitchen.

"Hermione, there you are," she seemed to say absentmindedly, "could you please round everyone up and let them know dinner will be ready in ten minutes?"

"Sure," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking and I quickly exited the kitchen.

To my surprise, I found every single Weasley around the house except the Charlie, who would not leave Romania for any occasion less than a death or wedding, and George, who I knew to still be at the joke shop.

"Hey, you guys, dinner will be ready in about ten."

"Coming!"

"What's Mum made for dinner?" Ron asked.

"If you go wash up, you'll see!" I replied. Truthfully, in my efforts to act casual but still avoid Molly moments ago, I didn't really look to see what she was making.

Before long, we were all situated around the table and to accommodate all the family members, none of us sitting in our 'usual' seats . I found myself sitting at the head of the table, with Arthur to my left and Molly to my right, across from him. I tried to keep my feet under my chair so I wouldn't bump into either one of them.

I nibbled at my food and shaped my mashed potatoes into a castle before squashing it. I was on edge to start with, but the whole family was acting weird. Every once in a while, someone would look up at me and it made me feel like I had a giant sign above my head.

'_I JUST LOST MY VIGINITY'_

'_YOUR FATHER SHAGGED ME ON HIS WORKBENCH'_

'_I'M A HOMEWRECKER' _-his and mine.

I fought the urge to look up to check, I was being irrational. I hoped that I was.

Suddenly, George came in. I wasn't expecting him, but I noticed that it seemed everyone else was.

"Oh, Georgie! Come sit right here!" Molly rose and seemed to shove all her children next her down further on the bench as she pulled George into her old seat.

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and asked, "What are you doing home so early?"

He smiled at me and winked, only saying, "you'll see," before piling a plate full of food and tucking in. Everyone went back to their plates as if nothing happened. Yes, the whole family was acting strange.

"Alright then!" George said and everyone quieted down. I looked over and his plate was about half eat. His plate looked as if someone had cut it in half and he ate precisely half. I fought a hysterical giggle. He sprang up out of his chair came around to my left so that he was standing next to his father.

He took my hands and I rotated in my chair to face his just as he bent down on one knee.

"I was going to do this as soon as I came in but Mum's food smelled really good, and you probably helped make it and that's one of the things I love about you; you can cook. And, -oh I'm going to start rambling.

"Hermione, ever since that day you came and found me, you saw me when no one else did and you fixed me and ever since then, you have been the very center of my universe and I want to spend the rest of my life with you because without you, I am nothing. I want to wake up every morning and plan out life together.

"Will you marry me?"

This time I couldn't help but look for the sign above me.

'_I CAN FEEL YOUR FATHER'S CUM DRIPPING OUT OF ME'_

I felt guilt wash over me in waves. I refused to look away from George, afraid I might see Arthur.

"Yes," I said shakily.

He jerked me up out of my chair and wrapped me in his arms and thanked me again and again.

"Oh, and I have a ring!" He pulled about a surprisingly large diamond ring on an engraved platinum band.

"I've been saving up for something important and nothing is more important to me than you," he explained as he slid the ring onto my finger. Soon I was passed along to receive hugs and congratulations from the family. I tried to ignore that extra tingle as I received a hug from Arthur.

That night we sat on George's bed talking about wedding plans. Yes, the huge winter wedding. The wedding that, I knew, had already been planned. They were just waiting for me to say yes. I did my very best to put out of my mind what had happened earlier that day and focus and be in the moment with George.

I had to stick with what I knew; George was a good man and he deserved to be happy, and I knew that I made him happy. And it wasn't as if I didn't love him, because I did. I didn't know why I felt the way I did, I was acting as if I was an innocent victim in the situation when I certainly wasn't. I had made sure of that with my actions today, whether I knew it at the time or not. Did that make us even now?

**(~)**

I had just left work and I knew Molly was out at the market. It was a good time to have this 'chat' with Arthur. I crept into the garage and tried to act natural, after all, I had been doing this for weeks and no one ever said anything before. I never noticed how dim it was in there before, it was as if wrong and illicit things were supposed to be here. As if they were bound to happen. I lit a candle but the light it put off seemed to be contained, it couldn't penetrate the darkness.

The candle suddenly blew out.

"I thought it was too bright in here, I felt exposed." I heard Arthur say.

"Ha, I thought it was my own guilt that made the place seem dark."

He sighed. I walked over the foot stool and sat down. I ran my fingers through my hair and slowly twisted them down until the ends were slipping through my fingers.

"Would you not sit there? You look like a little girl."

I stood and paced for a few minutes.

"I've never been with anyone other than my wife."

I didn't respond, I didn't know what to say. I stopped and hoisted myself to sit on the work bench.

"Did you know that we were Head Boy and Head Girl together? We shared a dorm for a year and I never touched her. She was the love of my life and it was important to her to remain a virgin until her wedding day. It was what she wanted and I respected that and I showed restraint."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad. I told you so that you would understand how much I wanted you. Oh gods, Hermione, I wanted you so much and I wanted to do what _I_ wanted to for once. I've always done what Molly wanted."

"And you, think of where you'd be if you hadn't stayed here. Maybe out at a flat in London, making friends, not being confined to the Wizarding world. But you're here piecing George back together and working at a damned joke shop like you're not the smartest thing that's come out of Hogwarts in ages. You could be working at the Ministry doing something exciting like being an Unspeakable or you could be working with me as a muggle liaison or something. You could be making a different, but here we're playing puppet to Molly."

As I listened, I thought about how my own life-well, the parts Molly knew about- was shaping up to be what she wanted. Living at the Burrow and being with George, and as Arthur put it- piecing him back together. It turned out that the things she wanted for me and the things she wanted for Arthur had directly contributed to our sleeping together.

"Arthur, did you know about last night? About George before you found me in the garage and we…"

"You know, she probably said something to me about George proposing last night, but I wasn't even listening, I was just thinking about getting out here."

I pursed my lips and looked down at my hands.

"I can't believe of all the places you could be, you sit right there on that work area." He laughed and finally smiled and I believed he was trying to lighten the mood.

"Do you need me to move again?" I looked up and smiled at him and he shook his head.

"No, I kind of like you there. Gods, Hermione, I'm going mad." He took off his ridiculous wizards' hat and threw it and then ran his fingers through his hair and tugged on it. "I can't just," he paused, "you and my son," he groaned. He seemed to be talking to himself "How can I just watch you marry him? I _want_ you. But I love my wife, I really do. Oh, I'm an awful person."

I felt like crying. Honestly, I felt like offering myself to him but didn't think it would be okay to just come out and say it. I thought that with my life, the way is was planned out to be, would be bearable if I could have these moments with Arthur, and, apparently his life seemed to be the same way.

"Arthur," I said gently, almost unsure of myself. I waited for him to look at me.

I saw that haunted look in his eyes again but now I understood. He didn't look that way necessarily because of guilt, but because he wanted me and knew he shouldn't. I definitely understood. I wanted him, too, and I knew that having him would destroy me and heal all at the same time. In the end, I thought, guilt would kill us. I stared into his eyes and made sure he knew I wasn't being flippant.

"Arthur, we could do this," I said, sounding a bit more sure of myself. I continued to look deep into his eye and didn't allow myself the luxury to look away from the intensity.

When he finally looked away, he seemed to relax minutely, as if the weight of the world had been taken off his shoulders. Suddenly, he looked resolved.

"I have to, I just have to," was the only thing he said before wrapped his arms around me and kissed me until I nearly forgot my name.

"Does this make me an awful person, too?" I asked when he moved to nibble on my ear lobe.

"I think so," he answered honestly. "In fact, I don't think you're fit to marry my son," he said in a playful voice.

"I don't think we're fit to make any more decisions like that tonight. I've had enough big decisions this week," I whispered and began to kiss his neck where I could reach and let our interactions escalate to completion.

**(~)**

Months had gone by and I fell into a rhythm. Safe, sweet, gentle, tender, affectionate, loving but chaste… my fiancé, George. Hot, intense, passionate, earth shattering, wrong, secret but satisfying… my lover, Arthur. They were different but sometimes, I just wished I could have all that in one person, that I could have all and not have to hide.

"Earth to Hermione!" I heard Harry say and looked up. I was grateful that no one was with us so that he wouldn't have to explain the phrase.

"What's been going on with you lately? There's something going on." He sounded suspicious and I had to school my features to keep from looking guilty. I had been practicing, Arthur and I both had. We needed to be able to interact together in front of other people without giving ourselves away. Talking and interacting just enough that it wasn't too much that it would draw attention, and it wasn't too little so that no one would think there was something wrong.

"What do you mean?" I tried to deflect.

"I don't know, little things like-"

"I'm sure you're just seeing what you want to see, are you that bored with you Auror training that you've been watching me?" I tried to keep my tone playful.

"Maybe it's just wedding jitters, yeah?"

I nodded and smiled, it sounded as good as an excuse as any. It would be so freeing to be able to tell someone about my double life, just to so that I didn't have it stuck inside of me. I let my punishment be the fact that I had to keep it to myself. The way it ate away at me, I didn't feel that I deserved to absolve myself. Besides, how sorry could I be if I couldn't even bring myself to stop, whether that meant stopping my liaisons with Arthur or breaking off my engagement with George. Intellectually, I knew I should have done both. I ground my teeth at the thought of it. My attempts to somehow combine my needs into one man were fruitless…

It was a day that I was feeling particularly guilty, I stayed at the joke shop the George until it was time for him to leave. I was afraid of what I knew I would do it I went home. I would find myself in the garage fucking Arthur. So I stayed, intent on enacting my of my godforsaken plans. I was going to seduce George. I really didn't know how he would respond, I just knew that he never initiated anything with me.

I listened as the shop bell dinged as he locked the door. It was actually spelled to make the sound when George put up the wards, he loved the finality of the sound that he was exposed to when I took him around muggle London the first time.

I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and kissed his shoulder blade where I could reach. I could feel his low hum of pleasure vibrate through me where my lips still kissed his back.

"What's going on, Hermione?" He asked me seemingly cautiously. He turned around and gently wrapped his arms around me. I could just feel his affection for me radiating off of him and it just made me hopeful and made me want him to be everything for me.

"Kiss me, please." I waited for him until he bent down and pressed his lips to mine. I gave him a minute before I began to kiss back. I gradually picked up speed and intensity until I felt him run his hands down my body. I sighed.

"Wait. Hermione, I love you. You are everything important to me and when I kiss you, I want you to feel how much I love and cherish you. If it's slow and takes all night, that's what I want and that's what I want for us."

"Okay, then," I replied unsurely, "let's try that."

He smiled at me and apparated us home. We quietly- and solemnly, it felt like to me- made our way upstairs to his room and began this slow, intentional dance of what could have ended in us making love.

It didn't.

I had managed to wiggle underneath him after what seemed like hours of snogging and I could feel him, he was hard and I just couldn't understand. I was trying everything; I was touching him and gently grinding myself against him, I was trying my best to get some sort of reaction out of him. I thought that I just wasn't turning him on until I felt him, and that's what confused me.

"Don't you want me, George?"

He looked at me like I was crazy, "Of course, I want you. I just wanted to wait until we were married."

I looked away from him and was reminded of what Arthur said, that Molly insisted that they would wait until they were married.

"What?" He seemed to shout, maybe it just seemed loud to me.

"I didn't wait, George. I'm not a virgin. I'm sorry if that's what you were expecting."

He looked hurt and upset. "Who on earth did you sleep with?"

I looked at him imploringly, I couldn't tell him.

"Please, can I just have this one thing?" I felt like I was asking for more than keeping my secret, I felt that I was asking if I could keep Arthur.

"Just promise me it wasn't Ron."

I felt relieved as I promised him that, no, it was not Ron.

He turned away from me and curled up facing the wall. It was the first time since the first night we spent together that he didn't hold me and I felt like it was nothing less than I deserved.

I woke up the next morning to the sounds of shouting and at first I thought that George was still upset with me and was finally vocalizing it but then I heard it again.

"Happy Birthday, Hermione!"

With everything going on, I had completely forgotten. I opened my eyes and Ron, Ginny, Harry, Molly and of course, George were all in the room singing me happy birthday. George leaned down and kissed me on the cheek after the song and I couldn't help but wonder, did Arthur remember? Did he know? Part of me hoped he did and part of me hoped he didn't. If he didn't, then I felt like our relationship could stay less emotional. I chastised myself for thinking about him in that moment and I kept myself from looking around for him and focused on George and the family members in front me.

"Open mine first!" Ginny pleaded and handed me a card. "Well, it's from Harry and me."

It was a card with two gift cards inside, one for a muggle book store and one for the book store in Hogsmeade.

"Thanks Ginny, that was really thoughtful with the two cards and all."

"Only the best for my best friend," Harry said as he gave me a sideways hug.

"Hey, what about me?" Asked Ron and Harry playfully gave him a shove. "Sorry Hermione, I forgot it was your birthday and I didn't get anything but… I plan on taking you out to lunch soon."

"Alright."

"Here you are, dear." Molly handed me her card and inside were two tickets to an electronics expo that was going on in London that weekend. "Arthur said that you would know what they were."

I nodded and explained, "George, do you want to go with me?"

He looked at me like I had just asked him to go to Malfoy Manor with me.

"Oh, that's not a problem," Molly chimed in, "I'm sure Arthur is dying to go to the thing anyway."

I felt set up and I didn't know why.

"Alright, enough lazing about," Molly declared, "You two need to get off to the shop," she said to George and me, "and you two need to get off to training. Ginny, could you stay and help me with something? Alright then, off you go!"

That night, I returned home just like any other night but instead of meeting Arthur in his garage, I heard Molly in there shouting at him. I listened in out of sheer curiosity.

"It's disgusting, Arthur! She's a little girl, she's George's!"

"_You_ wanted her to be with George."

"No, she's with George because she makes him happy."

"Exactly! And what does he do for her?"

"Probably nothing compared to what you do to her. Ugh, it's so disgusting. Does she really let you do those disgusting things to her? Does she like it when you say sinful things to her? Does she let you rut with her all over the place in here? Oh god, are some of the things in here sexual toys? Oh, Merlin, this little muggle love nest you have in here is revolting!"

Arthur was silent, no doubt just submitting and just taking what she was throwing at him.

"I never thought I'd see the day that you'd cheat on me. Does our marriage mean nothing to you? What about that slut? What does she mean to you? Can you honestly tell me that she means nothing? I didn't think so."

"Hermione is my friend, she a part of this family and I don't think George would appreciate you calling her a slut," Arthur said in a much quieter voice than her yelling and shrieking.

"If I do, you'll be the one to explain to him why!"

"Molly…"

"Don't touch me, you big pervert. She's your daughter's age, do you look at Ginny sexually? You make me sick!" She shrieked as she worked herself up.

"Now, Molly, you've gone too far! Get out of my garage!" Arthur shouted.

I disillusioned myself so that Molly wouldn't see me sitting there as she would go by.

"One last thing," she said in a vindictive voice, "when you go to your muggle show, should I expect you home that night, or is something going to _conveniently _happen that you'll have to stay out with your slut?"

Arthur surprised me by saying, "Maybe something will. Now get out." The acid in his voice felt final.

I watched as Molly stormed her way all the way to the house. I couldn't move from my spot. I couldn't make myself go see if Arthur was okay, he would probably push me away anyway.

I apparated away without preamble and found myself inside my childhood bedroom. It was a comfort that I was seeking. I pulled the lavender duvet and sheets back and climbed into my bed, shoes and all. It smelled like comfort. I took another deep breath in and closed my eye and cried.

When had my life gone so wrong? At what point had a veered off the beaten path and onto this one with all this pain, deceit, guilt and heartache? Was it that night I had lost my virginity to Arthur or could it have been back to when I introduced myself to Harry and Ron on the Hogwarts' Express? Could it be trace all the way back to when I was a little girl, and instead of going to the others kids' birthday parties, I stayed home and read and discussed theories with my father?

It was then that I realized that I desperately needed to take stock of my life, decide what I wanted out of life and then do whatever it took to get it.

First, I wanted a career that mattered. Easy, I would talk to Arthur about a job in his department, maybe the muggle liaison job that he was talking about.

Second, the passionate and loving man part. That was going to be more difficult. George had already proven that he could be that man I wanted. Arthur could never be everything, even if he could prove to be the loving man that I need, he could still never be mine. He would never be able to divorce, even it he wanted to. Would he even consider it, if it were an option?

Third, what was I willing to compromise on? That remained to be seen as I drifted off to sleep only to be comforted and punished by my nightmares.

**(~)**

For the first week, I stayed in the house. I only left once when I went to get myself some milk and cereal to eat during my stay in my little storm shelter. The house was musty feeling from being abandoned. I decided to clean in while I was there, and honestly, the cleansing charms wore me out. One thing was for sure, Molly made them look effortless. Aside from my nightmares, I slept well during that time away and took my time contemplating where I wanted to be in my life.

At the end of the first week, I was surprised to hear the crack of an apparition and peeked out the window and saw Arthur standing in the lawn. I saw a slight glow emanate from my body, signaling to me that he had activated a human detection charm. I didn't mind if he found me if he was willing to come look for me. I hoped that he didn't harbour resentment towards me.

He knocked at the door and I slowly made my way to open it for him. I didn't say anything, I just ushered him inside.

I led us into the living room and sat down. He followed suit, sitting across from me on the sofa. We seemed to stare at one another, daring the other to go first. I wouldn't cave. Several long awkward minutes passes.

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked.

I remained silent.

"Why did you leave? George said you two were fine and couldn't understand why you would leave."

I still didn't speak but I looked at him.

"Come on! Say something!"

I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face as I recalled just how shrill Molly's voice was and her wild accusations.

"We missed the electronics expo." My voice was rough from having not spoken to anyone for the last week. I took a deep breath in, I still wasn't ready to tell him that I overheard his argument with Molly.

"Is that what you're worried about?" He asked incredulously.

"George said you left work at the normal time, he assumed that you came straight home."

I raised my eye brows, and it took a few minutes, but his eyes widened.

"You were coming out to the garage to see me, did you over hear our argument?" When I didn't answer he continued. "I waited for you. You didn't show up for your birthday get-together, you didn't tell anyone where you were. For all we knew, you could have been dead somewhere."

"That must have pleased Molly." I didn't bother to hide the vitriol from my voice. I rose and went to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of tea. I needed something to do with my hands and I needed to not be in the same room as Arthur in that moment. I planned on only making one cup, I honestly didn't want to encourage Arthur to stay. I wanted my silence back.

I was adding the loose leaves to the tea pot when I felt Arthur's arms snake around me and knead my stomach. I loved and hated how much I loved the feel of his hands on me. The confident firm grip and how he touched me in a way he knew would get me. I was beginning to hate it, but I still needed it. I hated that that need made me unfaithful to George. I hated how George wouldn't give me what I needed to be faithful. Most of all, I hated how I gave in.

"I thought that you would push me away, I left right after Molly ran out. I came straight here and I've been here ever since." I spun around in his arms and pulled him down to me so that I could kiss him. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and he gently sucked on it and I felt my stomach flutter.

"Mmmm."

I felt him guide me back to where I knew there was a chaise in the sitting room. He gently laid me down and continued to kiss and lick and nip and suck and it felt almost on the verge of being loving. Piece by piece, he removed my clothes slower than our usual rushed pace in the garage. There was no one here to catch us.

Finally, we were both fully naked and he was deep inside of me and it occurred to me that we'd never laid down together while having sex. It was always on the work bench or up against the wall or me straddling him over a chair. I think that he noticed it, too, and he look down at me with these eyes that I couldn't understand.

He started going slower and slower and his kisses were growing less hurried and more languid.

"Arthur, please don't make love to me," I pleaded.

He questioned me with his eyes.

"If you make love to me, it will break my heart because you're everything I want and I can never really have you."

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm so sorry, love." I didn't understand why he was apologizing until he continued to slowly make love to me. "I just have to, just this one last time."

I wept silently as my heart broke. I knew that we would never be together again, that he would be going back to Molly. I didn't win him over his wife. Although it was never my goal to steal him from her, it still hurt.

**(~)**

I stayed another week before I forced myself to leave. I wondered if Arthur would tell where I was but assumed he wouldn't want to bring it up with Molly and besides, if he did mention it, I was sure George would have been here.

I tidied up the house, removing all evidence that I had been there and apparated away. When I arrived outside the gate at The Burrow, it struck me as seeming smaller than I remembered. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the gate, letting myself in.

As I walked up the path that led through the garden, everything seemed so quiet, too quiet. I almost turned back but I forced myself to keep going. I gingerly stepped into the kitchen and felt the door close behind me with a soft 'click.'

"You're back," Molly stated from where she was quietly sitting at the kitchen table.

"Is anyone else here?" I asked, having a strong suspicion that no-one was.

She didn't respond, she only pushed a chair out for me using her foot under the table.

She didn't mince words and went straight to the point, "How long have you been sleeping with my husband?"

I seated myself in the chair that she kicked out with her foot and didn't relax one bit. I felt terribly uncomfortable but barely resisted the urge to fidget. I assessed her calm, and it seemed forced, almost in a medicated way. I debated just how frankly I should speak.

"What makes you think that I've been sleeping with Arthur?" I deliberately put out of my mind his near confession that he had made during that argument that I'd overheard.

"I watch him, you know. You are smart and you hide what is going on, but I know my husband. He watches you and has for months. It would not surprise me if you two have been at it for a few years now, but you've been careless in the last few months.

"You disappeared the day that I confronted Arthur about it. Do you know what he told me? He told me that you meant nothing to him." I knew that was a lie but refused to fall into her trap. She would not trick me into saying anything I didn't intend on saying.

"What, you didn't think he loved you did, did you?" She tried to goad me. "You think you could twitch your little hips at him and he would run away with you?

I still didn't reply, I only stood and made my way upstairs to the room that George and I shared. The room was a mess! Clothes were thrown everywhere from an obvious fit of anger and Fred's mattress had been upturned. I saw a letter on the bedside table with a RETURNED seal on it.

_Hermione,_

_I don't know where you've gone to. Please come home so that we can talk about whatever's going on. I miss you and it breaks my heart that you feel you can't come to me. I hope this post owl can find you, it's the third letter I've tried._

_Please come home or at least write to me._

_I love you,_

_George_

I picked up a note that was addressed to me that was laying near the scroll I just read.

_Hermione-_

_Mum said that you were moving out. I packed your things and put them in Ginny's room. Obviously you don't want to be here. I don't know how my mum knows, or why she wont tell me but I'm really upset and I wish you would talk to me._

_-George_

I slumped onto the bed still holding the note in my hand. I didn't know what to make of it. Was he breaking things off with me and had kicked me out with Molly assurances that I was moving out anyway? Or was he being nice by helping me with my "move," thinking that he wouldn't want his precious Hermione to suffer if, as he said, I didn't want to be here.

I couldn't say whether I was wanted to be there or if I was relieved at the easy out, if I wanted it. A conversation with George was obligatory. I knew that if I ever wanted a life with him, _everything_ needed to be said. No deed or feeling left unmentioned. I would have to tell him everything that I wanted and needed. I would not settle if George couldn't give me everything I needed. I decided right then that if there was ever a time to be selfish, this was it.

Quickly, I collected my things and apparated away to Diagon Alley to find George. I was anxious to just get it over with, whichever way it went.

It felt odd to walk into a place that I had spent so much time. Everything felt not quite as bright or as animated as it usually seemed. It seemed busy though, is if it was frozen in a moment action. I looked around for George and saw him at the register. He had just finished a transaction with a customer and was heading over to help another. I stepped out of the door backwards. Honestly, I was chickening out. I noticed a large sale sign in orange and purple advertising a thirty percent off sale on all sweets and picnic products. "If it's can be ingested, it's on sale!"

I paced in front of the shop before entering again. George had just finished with his customer and I approached him before I could lose my nerve.

He saw me and sighed, but it was a sigh of relief. He stepped close to me and enclosed me in his arms. "You came back," he whispered and I felt him smell my hair. "Oh Hermione, where have you been?"

I let myself sink into his familiar warmth and hesitated. I wasn't sure how I was going to do this… this difficult and inevitable and unpredictable task that faced me.

"Can we go somewhere, George?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute to call someone in while I'm out." He dashed off and was back very soon. It was almost as if he was afraid I'd leave again if he took too long.

"Come on," he said and he reached for me hand. We walked out of the store to a park where there was a nice playground and a few children running around and sat on top of picnic table.

"Listen, I've been waiting for you for, what, two weeks now? I've had a lot of time to think and I've been watching everyone in the family acting funny. Well, not everyone. Just Mum, Dad, and Ginny. Ginny has been in my face from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep at night. Did you see her in the store? I can't get rid of her. Do you know what she's doing?"

I nodded.

"The same thing you've been doing since that first night you sat beside me. I just didn't realise it until Ginny was doing it. Maybe you love me, but I think I feel more like a duty or an obligation to you. Listen to me, Hermione, I _love_ you and I want you to love me back in that same way. I've realised since you've been gone what I was doing to you and I don't want that. And what's more is that I need to learn to live without you as a crutch, even it I didn't know that's what you were for me until recently. It doesn't change how much I love you," he said with so much feeling.

I felt that weight that Molly had put on my all those months ago start to lift, I looked at him and I felt so much hope.

"And you need time, too."

He looked at me and I could feel his gaze pierce me. "I should be upset with you for cheating on me. Yes, I know… I overheard my parents arguing one night when I came home from work. I've also come to realise that that's my fault, too. I've been so wrapped up in myself. You even told me what you needed and I couldn't give it to you. That's another reason why I need time, I want to be able to give you everything."

I was shocked to find out that he knew. "You still want me?" I said shakily.

"Only if I can be everything you want, and that's why you need time… to figure out what you want."

Obviously my time away had been good for both of us. I let out a long breath and then moved to hug him. I felt like crying but didn't. I felt myself clinging to him the way he had clung to me in the beginning because I knew that the minute I let go there would be uncertainty again.

He rubbed my back and said, "Come on." I only shook my head.

"I'm so sorry George," I said and then finally pulled away. I pulled the engagement ring off me finger and handed it to him and he took it gently.

"Hermione, this is your ring and it'll be waiting for you for when you come back to me. I think we could be good together when we work through everything."

I stood and from the picnic table and stepped away and he hopped next to me. We embraced again before quietly pulling away from each other and going our separate ways.

**(~)**

The first thing I noticed as I walked out the door of the Leaky Cauldron was this intense feeling of freedom. I could finally _breathe_. That I could make choices for _me_ again. There was no guilt, no pressure, just freedom. I walked through the crooked streets of London for about an hour before apparating to the home that I grew up in, the home that I had spent the last two weeks in.

I reveled in making plans that weren't as short-sighted as a wedding. I wanted to travel. I wanted to see New York City and I wanted to see a Caribbean beach and I wanted to go on an African safari and see the Pyramids. I wanted to go to India and China and Japan. And maybe after all that I could make an informed decision about what career I wanted to go into. Then _maybe_ by the time I returned here to Europe, I would be ready for George and maybe… hopefully he would be ready for me. And if not, I knew that I had taken charge of my own life and that is something that I would never regret.

**(~)**

**A/N: This story is self-beta'ed and self brit-checked, please forgive me any errors due to my own word blindness and the fact that I am actually an American**.

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